Bandaid

I was thinking tonight as I wrote an email to you, how nice it would be to meet, chat, catch up in person. I have so many things I want to tell you. So many things I want to ask you about, want your opinion on. Will we ever do that do you think? Sit, two friends chatting somewhere.

But then I let myself do something stupid. I was browsing facebook, and I looked up your profile, your real one, and checked your friends list. There she was. She's pretty. I felt stupid.

I know it doesn't work like that, but I felt it anyway, the feelings of jealousy, guilt and foolishness.

I don't know my own mind. I don't know if I can do this any more, but I don't know if I can not do this any more.

Since we can have no more, I wish I could be sure that we could be friends. I want that so much.