Back to you

The hardest part is accepting that I was (am?) just a symptom. I'm not the turning point. The one that made you realise.

I don't think I could just have been anybody. I hope I'm not kidding myself.

The truth is, when it comes to the heart, you're all I have to think of and you have so much more.

Do I have the guts to walk away or the guts to see it through?

It would be nice to get to a point when we are really friends. Would I get there if I met someone else do you think? I hope so. It's not for want of trying, I just don't meet anybody.

Bandaid

I was thinking tonight as I wrote an email to you, how nice it would be to meet, chat, catch up in person. I have so many things I want to tell you. So many things I want to ask you about, want your opinion on. Will we ever do that do you think? Sit, two friends chatting somewhere.

But then I let myself do something stupid. I was browsing facebook, and I looked up your profile, your real one, and checked your friends list. There she was. She's pretty. I felt stupid.

I know it doesn't work like that, but I felt it anyway, the feelings of jealousy, guilt and foolishness.

I don't know my own mind. I don't know if I can do this any more, but I don't know if I can not do this any more.

Since we can have no more, I wish I could be sure that we could be friends. I want that so much.