Take the advice and run

My friend pointed something out to me tonight. I might expand on this more in another post, but tiredness means this will have to do for now.

"Thing is, you are really funny, don't get me wrong. But I've seen guys come up, and you shoot them down in a machine gun fire of sarcasm. I mean, you're terrifying. Funny, but terrifying. I know when they're drunk, they're annoying. But maybe you could be a bit nicer...it would be OK"

Actually said in the nicest possible way. And actually could be so very true.

Bitter?

My goodness some of my posts lately have been on the dark and bitter side (excepting maybe yesterday, still laughing about that), particularly in regards to men. I wonder if some of it is because most of the time I go about my business trying not to let on that it gets to me. It's like this blog is an outlet for the unpleasant thoughts I have.

K, one of my flatmates, left for a year in Canada at the weekend. I saw her off on the train home, and I don't mind telling you I teared up as I walked away. It's been quite the year, and I'll miss her.

On a more optimistic note, her replacement A, seems lovely, and has promised to teach me how to play pool. No longer will I feel foolish and lame-girl like when faced with a cue.

And I have a new addiction - Gossip Girl. Every thing a guilty pleasure should be.

xoxo - indeed I do love you.

Just made me laugh so hard

My flatmate - "Talk about the last vestiges of romance:
'Fancy meeting up for a shag?'
'No, I can't, I'm on the blob.' "

I don't want to go out any more

I just don't. I don't know how I got to this point, but I don't want to go out any more. I don't want to go out and spend too much money surrounded by people who don't notice me, get fed up with the same old same old same old music then come home tired and pissed off. Half of the matter is that even if they did notice me (of course I mean guys here, who am I kidding?) I wouldn't be interested, but at least I'd be turning them down. Sure sure sure, it's also about having fun with your friends. But I swear we have more fun at home, listening to my music playlist and eating creme eggs.

You know what else? Maybe I've just heard them too many times, but I don't go wild when I hear Summer of '69, or Livin' on a Prayer, or goddamn Loveshack. They leave me cold.

You'd think I wouldn't stop going out, since how would I ever meet anyone then? I don't even care anymore. I never meet anyone anyway, and I just don't think I can take one more night out in that fleapit hellhole club pretending to have a good time.

"Thing is, we're about 10 years older than what's attractive, so you have to make it about personality"

Number one on the list of what not to say to a girl who's STILL IN HER TWENTIES. Yes, thanks for that.

Lyrics for black moods

"You left a stain on every one of my good days"

"I know this hurts, it was meant to"

"She's got it out for me ... but I wear the biggest smile"

All kinds of ways I could waste my time

"I can't find my watch, can't find my wallet, so how in the hell am I supposed to find the one that I love?"

We came second in the quiz today. Wonder if Mr Quiz knows L would rather win him.

Does someone grow on you? Or do your standards slip?

The First Aid trainer was filled with anecdotes today. Anecdotes and very little real information. Wonder if he knows I couldn't give a tiny rats ass about his stories. Now the assessment is tomorrow and my knowledge could certainly not be described as refreshed. If he keels over he'll rue the day he skipped over that chapter with us.

Take a photograph, it'll last longer

The internet is a dangerous thing. Yes yes yes, it has all that awful stuff like how to make a bomb from socks and porn for the elderly. But I actually meant it's ability to give you a window into the life of someone long since, and probably best, forgotten.

You type the name into Google. You don't know why, you just wonder what happened to him. And there it is. Nothing shocking. But he thinks of himself as a photographer now and so you look at the pictures. They're good. Maybe. If you're feeling generous. You wonder if life will ever play out like a film and you'll cross paths again, so you can be suitably.....something when they do. Yes, probably, only if you've headed out in your leisure pants with yesterday's makeup smeared on your face.

When I was home at Christmas I saw someone else I sometimes wonder about. I hadn't seen him in a long long time, and I wasn't sure how it would play out. He came into a restaurant as we were leaving. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, but we didn't look directly at each other. I wasn't about to go over. I don't even know if he saw me. I doubt he would have wanted to chat even if he did. I don't think I would have wanted to either.

In TV shows and films, you meet again by chance, and take the moment to say everything you wanted to, everything you meant to. Life rarely presents such closure.