Life in limbo

I heard lately that the Pope has got rid of the concept of Limbo for babies who are not baptised. I wish he could get rid of the limbo from my life.

Living situation

Currently I live with a neighbour, temporarily renting a room from her after my tenancy ended last month. I started out looking for a room in another flatshare, and then despairing of that and itching for a change, accepted a friends offer to look for a place in Clapham Junction with her and her current flatmate. The only slight flaw in this plan is that we haven't found anywhere decent we can afford and I have to be out of here by 19th May as my neighbour has a permanent tenant moving in. But I'm not panicking. Oh no. Or at least I'm trying not to, whilst my mother freaks out down the phone. So not helping.

Work situation

I start a new job in a weeks time. Except it's a new job in the same place that i work, just another department. And my current boss is making such a fuss over the situation she'd have me doing both jobs if she could. Can't ride two horses with one ass tho. I just hope i can do this new role. Swim not sink.

Family situation

My sister is getting married (again). Ok, so only the second time, but it's so hard not to add the 'again'. I know, I know, but the last time was only 6 years ago, so still relatively fresh in my mind. But anyway, so I'm her bridesmaid (again) along with another girl. The wedding is on 2 September, and we still have no bridesmaid dresses. For those of you not familiar with the world of weddings, that may seem like a long time away. But when I tell you it takes 12 - 16 weeks to make a bridesmaid dress, you may have a clearer understanding of my sisters panic. And mine, except I'm maintaining a facade of calm with her, meanwhile wondering if i just dyed the old dress, would anyone notice?

My body situation

(Now there's a sub-heading). I have been battling neck / shoulder muscle problems these last few weeks, alternating ice packs and heat packs and the ability to turn my head more than 45 degrees each way. Oh, yeah, and got loose cartilage in my knee. Which is either physio or key hole surgery, depending on what they decide. You could say that worse things happen at sea, and i don't doubt that they do. But I'm due to walk the Great Wall of China for Oxfam in October and no one can tell me yet if I'll be able to go.

They say 'wait and see' and 'it'll all work out'. And i want to scream 'How?? but how?'. Just give me a crystal ball and I'll quiet down.

Movie Montage

So, as I mentioned previously, I'm currently homeless. Ok, so not homeless. I'm not yet turning to the Big Issue for gainful employment. But the lease came to an end on the flatshare I was in, and I didn't manage to find somewhere new in time. Lucky for me, my downstairs neighbour had a room she normally rents out but is empty until June, so I'm staying with her at the moment. Essentially I've had a reprieve for awhile and I can keep looking without a deadline looming. The trouble with the whole moving and looking for a place thing is that it can feel like you have been doing if forever. Though in fairness to me I have been looking for over 5 weeks now, which is a lifetime when you're just looking for a decent room in a friendly flatshare. It's just one of those things in life that I wish I could experience 'movie montage' style: set against a peppy soundtrack I'm shown visiting a variety of amusing places before finding the home of my dreams, all in the time it takes for a verse and a chorus. Apparently though, life is not like that. I'm doomed to obsessively checking www.gumtree.com and www.moveflat.com all the live-long day, tramping out to see various abodes and making endless polite conversation about kitchens and queues for the shower. I think now I may have reached saturation point. I need a break from it all, before all my social skills disintegrate. Wish me luck.

Revelations and red nails

Yesterday I was chatting away to my friend A online. Although we have known each other since school, we're not incredibly close since the link has always been through another, mutual, close friend. Anyway, so we chat away about the crapness of staying in the city over bank holiday weekends whilst everyone you know hops off to do something more exciting, and she drops into the conversation that she is going on a date that night with her "stalker toyboy". With little explanation she then goes on to tell me that she's also seeing a married ex-colleague (though presumably not in the same night). Then...in virtually the same breath if this was a face to face, as apposed to Internet conversation, she tells me that she was on www.match.com for a while, and that a guy she met on the site tried to rape her. Apparently they went to some pub/club hybrid, and when they went outside to get some air, he attacked her. She bit him and made a run for it, half clothed down the street, calling up her friend to come find her. She didn't report him because he was a policeman, and she didn't want to end up reporting him to one of his mates. I would say that the fact he was a policeman was all the more reason to report him, but I think you should always try and report any guy, no matter what, because you have to think of the next girl. The thing with A is that she is one of the most single-minded, fiercely independent people I have ever met, you can say what you like, try and support her and be there for her, but she wont respond to any of it. I wasn't even sure what i was supposed to do with the information. Nothing I guess, unless she wants to talk about it some more. It just made me sad that she was so all over the place.

On a lighter note, I met my friend CS today and we went for a manicure. How very fabulous of us. I normally go for something very natural and inoffensive, but today I'm rocking a harlot red. It's always good when your nails entertain you.

A first, not a last?

My mothers friend once told me to keep your diaries, because no matter how well you think you can remember how you felt at a particular time, nothing holds feelings better than something you wrote as it happened. So that's what I'm doing, and hoping that cyberworld will hold true and not lose my thoughts somewhere out there.

So, to keep you, and in fact me when I read back, up to speed, I'll furnish you with some facts.

1. I'm currently flat hunting.
2. I'm due to start a new job.
3. I'm single.
4. I sometimes get a knot tightly wound in my chest, better known as anxiety. I try and hold that in check because that's never much fun.
5. I love to laugh, but it's been a long time, or so it seems since I've laughed til it hurts. Whether this is just because my sense of humour is on holiday or that my life no longer offers amusement remains to be seen.
6. I tend to think I'm a 'nice' person. But then man, can I ever bitch. Most of the time I think it's justified, but I'll let you be the judge.