Who am I to you?

Did you ever see the film The Last Kiss?

Good film I think. Made me wonder who I was in it.

Made me wonder who he was too. Was he Zach Braff or Casey Affeck? Was I effectively Rachel Bilson? - someone I wouldn't mind being compared to normally, but not on this occasion.

He's probably neither really, but it still got me thinking.

Are we really friends? We know the score really, his emails never mention her.

So why does he keep in touch?

Because he wishes things were different?

Because he wants to keep his options open?

Because he feels obligated? guilty?

Or, in my darker thoughts, simply because he wants to keep me sweet so I don't cause trouble?

I wish someone else would come in and take over my heart.

Would he miss me if I stopped replying?

I'd miss him, and I hate that.

She's like Confucius

As I staggered out my room this morning, wishing for not the first time in my life that I was someone who threw up, just so I could feel better, my housemate commented "I always think it's better to have a hangover on company time, rather than your own."

How wise. And with that I depart for the office.

Don't you think we ought to know by now?

Don't you think we should have learnt somehow?

I could say I don't know why I still think about you. Or why each time I check my emails I hope a little that I'll see your name. But I know why. My mind's just built that way.

You're always there, somewhere in the back of my thoughts. Even now, months on. I've come to accept what I always knew, that you'll always be someone I wonder about.

And I always knew too, you know? That we were headed nowhere, that it didn't matter what happened that sweetly.... desperate night. It wouldn't have stopped me though. I still smile to think of it, despite myself.

It was no win and no hope and no chance.

It was over before it started and we knew it all along.

Suburbia will claim your heart and who knows for mine.

Maybe it would never have worked. Goodness knows how it would have. But that doesn't matter. We don't get to find out how it would have played out.

I'll file you away.

I'll go through the motions.

I'll be swept along, meet someone new.

But I'll think of you.

And hope that sometimes you'll think of me too.