And in the end the sun will rise on one more day

The worst thing about feeling low, is the feeling of guilt that comes with it. That feeling that you should not be down or sad or frustrated like this, that you should be pushing on and ploughing through. That you should be shrugging it off and moving on. That worst things happen at sea. And on land, come to that.

That your problems are not on a par with the crisis in the middle east shouldn't matter, everyone's problems are their problems. Sometimes I think you can spend so long resolving to be happy that you don't just allow yourself to be sad when you need to.

Which is a round about way of saying.... I feel low. I feel low, and blue, and sad, and frustrated about lots of things. It's not my health, or my family, or my general nearest and dearest. No one has died or is ill. But still every day I wake up and drag myself to work to feel....everything from apathy to rage. I'm tired of the frustrations. I hate that I didn't get the job last week. The commute seems to steal a bit of my soul every day. I'm single and tired of being single and tired of having to be OK with being single. I'm tired of being out all the time, I'm tired of having no time and no sleep. I'm tired of being tired. And I'm tired of him, of being powerless to stop him drifting into my sleep at night, while I'm at the mercy of my unconsciousness.

Sometimes it feels like, a few years ago we were all unwittingly playing a game of musical chairs. Someone stopped the music and most people grabbed a seat. But some of us didn't realise that the music had stopped, so we're keeping on going, not noticing all the chairs have been taken.